My Downward Spiral + How I Survived

I thought I was depressed, like seriously clinically depressed this weekend.  And not to make it sound like depression is something to be taken lightly or something that can come and go, but you know what I mean– that more than bummed out place.  That place where (depending on how you handle emotions) you want to scream, cry, punch something, or curl up in a ball and disappear.

Most people think I prance through my days happy, positive, laid back, living the life I love of spreading yoga, exercise, and wellness related vibes to the masses.

A lot of this is true! The only thing to tweak is that this is reality MOST of the time.

I also occasionally hit rock bottom. I have my days where I feel everything from defeated, to lazy, to mad, to just ready to throw in the towel, every single towel.

LAST WEEK I SPIRALED DOWN

Last week, I overdid it.  And not only that, but the week before I had an amazing time in California seeing my business coach and fellow masterminders, seeing one of my oldest best friends, and also taking yoga and conversing with a yoga mentor of mine, and getting REALLY stoked about some future opportunities.  I flew a *red eye* back to Florida after just three nights on the west coast {red flag}. I napped some, ran a 15k race within 24 hours of landing back on the EAST coast, and then rode four hours back {with one less hour of daylight!},  with my boyfriend the next day.  It was fun! It was one of those trips and weekends where somehow you just get through on adrenaline and good vibes.

Back to teaching and all the next day… I picked up some fitness classes at the end of last week. They began at 5am, which means… I get up before 4am.  This feels so jarring to me (unless I’m getting up and heading to the airport for a vacay!).  I get where one can program himself by doing this day after day, but for people who do it every now and then … forget it.  It throws your hormones ALL out of whack, to say the least.

Sparing all the details, I will say that I sat in a traffic jam for two hours, hurried to teach and train and host a webinar, and then got up uber early AGAIN and basically had the same sort of day .  Followed by another fairly early wakeup Saturday to help cover another job, I was in a mental downward spiral.

I missed four days of exercise {hellloooo, I cut endorphins, the happy chemicals} .  For me, this is not normal.  And although I could’ve pushed through a mini workout (next time I will) I kept working my brain, typing and staring at a computer. Hardly any time to breathe (which is what I encourage clients and students to do daily, duh).  The irony is that I was also putting on a webinar about using yoga to find happiness. . . 

Guilt hit.  I’m a horrible yogi!  I am being so hypocritical! Ah!  The itty bitty shitty committee ran a marathon back and forth between my ears, detoured down to my gut, and back to my heart and head. Whew.

By Saturday afternoon I got home and started sobbing. Hyperventilating. Feeling like I could not stop.

I’ve been here before. Did I survive? Yes.  Did I know I’d survive this time? Yes. But I STILL felt like it was the end of the world.

THE STORY SHIFTS

Luckily, I KNEW I had the tools to survive. I could hear the other voices in my head and heart trying to help pull me up and out.  Support is there, it’s all around.  This too will pass.  Experience this storm and remember the light and rainbows that follow. 

Still, extremely hard.  Here’s what I did:

• texted friends. Asked for good news, jokes; I exposed myself and emotions and straight up said, ” I need help right now.”
• asked for help from a higher power {I love the notion of we’re either praying/asking for help! thanks! or wow! when we do… this one was a loud HELP! yelp}
• practiced breathing
• put work away
• socialized
• talked about it as soon as I could

THANK YOU, if you’re one of those folks I reached out to. You were my angels Saturday.  It seems like so often these days, we don’t reach out.  We don’t want others to see us in this light. Maybe I’m speaking just for myself, but I’ve had plenty of friends, clients, and acquaintances that have shared very similar experiences.

AND get this: I randomly got a message from a special Missouri yoga student that very night just seeing how I was doing… AND random people from Missouri showed up in my yoga class the next morning. {my inner prayer shifted to thank you thank you thank you}.

Support surrounds.

Somewhere along our lifespan we’ve been trained and engrained with certain coping mechanisms and the *way we should* handle , or mostly not handle, emotions.

Emotions are in motion.  They WILL MOVE. SHIFT. TRANSFORM.  All we truly need to do, as the channels for these moving emotions to flow, is to experience, learn, and trust that life WILL go on.  

We’re all constantly going through cycles; sometimes there needs to be this feeling of destruction {the Kali energy} to burn out old and give space for new.

This all being said, as I talked about this experience, others also started sharing very recent, close tales. AND, duh, it was also the Spring Equinox, which will also effect every living organism on this planet in one way or another.

I’m sharing this to also get it out of me; and as much as I cringe at times when I read Facebook posts, blogs and articles where the author is blatantly outing a life experience for . . . [attention?? sympathy?? ..], to write or type is a beautiful way to fully empty those moving emotions from the body and psyche.

If you’ve had a rough week, you’re not alone.  If you’ve had a great week, month, year, keep surfing those waves brah’ !  All we can do is ride, connect, and live the best we can.  Don’t stifle or stuff yourself with things that make you go *ew*.  Talk to a friend, reach out (to me!), and know that life’s just throwing some curve balls to keep you on your toes and shifting you into the next right direction.

Much love.

Thanks for reading,

Rebekka

p.s. I found this image and other great blog post that is so closely related and shares some more specific psychological points .  . 

Junk in the Trunk!

 No, not the junk in the trunk that you first thought of {well kinda}… and no, not the junk shown above {well kinda}… but let me further explain …

The picture above is fresh from this morning. After living for a month in a furnished condo, we are now moving across the parking lot into a different condo, unfurnished.
All of our prized possessions arrived this morning safe and sound after a *vacation* in an undisclosed location.
I’m not sure who’s happier for who to be back, my guess is, is our stuff is way more ready to get outta that POD than we are to unload it.

Various times over this past month my guy and I have looked at each other and said,
” I could do without that POD, like ever. ”
Obviously, part of this is the mere fact of laze and not wanting to unload and unpack AGAIN.
But part of this is more in the truth that it is indeed junk.

All that junk in the trunk.

Some of it legit, as legit as stuff can get — comfy, awesome leather couch, my prized notes and notes and books of yoga and body topics.

Some of it just junk. Some junk that will most likely be unloaded and thrown away.
{a whole other topic as the environment nut in me drives my slight ‘hoarding’}.

LEADING TO . . .
energetic and emotional junk.
This junk includes but is not limited to, stress, worry, anxiety, premature thinking, dwelling on the past, insecurities, emo baggage…

What’s your junk?
And how’s its funk?
What do find yourself tripping on in your mind?
Fumbling with in your body?
And dragging through in your heart?

Like I touched on last week, we send this type of junk to our physical bodies.  It hides away in the form of tension, weight, congested energy, and overall “ughhs and blahhs” {and read here for how to change those blahs to ahhs}

THE GOOD NEWS IS:
There are ways to sort the junk, keep what serves you, and release what doesn’t.

HOW:
Take a moment and think of one piece of energetic or emotional junk in your life that weighs heavier than others…
Breathe into and notice how and where it feels in your body.
Spend several breath cycles visualizing with your eyes closed, this junk boxed up and disappearing, maybe even like a bubble dissolving so it will never reform!
This could take numerous sessions, even days or months, BUT with diligence, as with anything, it will work. Your junk will vanish.

And those places you felt it in your body?
S T A Y  T U N E D.
***I’m sending a special email tomorrow with a two minute tune-up that will get you back in balanced, working order AND clear out those funky, junky feelings.  SIGN UP HERE to receive my weekly Cruiseletter, and later today, be the first to see my Chakra Tune-Up Video! **

Oooohhhh yeeeaahhhhh.

For now, shake what your momma gave ya!

Smile at a stranger!

Tell yourself, I LOVE YOU!

😉
Rebekka

Cherries Be Like, I’m SO In Right Now

… and I be like… OMG YES! Gimme more.

I’ve recently found myself putting aside my dearest watermelon ( I still love you ) and reaching for these lil cuties.

As you may know by going to ANY grocery store right now, cherries are SO in. And they know it.  They’re all shiny, gorgeous, and delish.

What could make them better? Well, other than the gazillion recipes and things you can combine them with, they are POWERHOUSES of nutrition.  I could ramble off the lists of vitamins, etc. which you could, too.

Instead, here are my top 3 reasons I think everyone should eat cherries.

Like. NOW.

1. Anti-Inflammatory perks:  in my opinion, everyone needs to detox and ‘de-flame’ daily.  We are exposed to toxins on toxins on toxins, even if we are careful to eat clean, exercise, purify our water, and so on (all of which CAUSE more inflammation, especially exercise).  Our cells take on toxins/free radicals and basically become inflamed in the attempt to heal — and need help.  This inflammation can lead to so many other diseases and conditions. A healthy body is a ‘de-flamed’ body. Cherries do the job.
2. Antioxidants for Cancer Prevention:  Whether they’re technically a ‘superfood’ by whoever gets to label foods as such, these little treats are just that– a super duper food.  Low calorie & high potency when it comes to antioxidants that also are fighting the formation of cancer (and as you may know, any inflammation can lead to diseases, cancer,.. so refer to #1…).
3. Teeth, Skin, and Hair:  Cherries will help prevent tooth decay, protect against sun damage/wrinkles, and being iron rich, can even help combat hair loss.  Eat to enhance your current beauty.

Ultimately, being a so-called super duper food, by yours truly, just know that cherries are in season now at fair prices everywhere, and you should be adding them to your diet.

I love just washing and eating ’em from the bag.

You can also use them as toppers or add ins to your cereal, smoothies, ice cream, salads, fish, chicken, ‘healthy’ baked goods, and many other dishes.

Jump on the cheery cherry train and be like, so IN right now, too! 😉

Feel free to share your favorite ways to add the super duper fruit to your plate!

do be picky!

which way?

I had an epiphany today {this happens far too often} and I’m actually ready and able to write it down so I don’t forget. So here you go, bloggy blog style…

Being picky IS GOOD!

I’ve been known, for years and years, decades actually, to be indecisive. Now before I continue I must make clear that the two are not the same.

 Picky vs. Indecisive

And sometimes I like to jump right into Webster’s and compare definitions but for this one I’m just going to keep rolling along and use the dictionary of my mind/lingo.

You see, indecisiveness is something that I DO believe is valuable at times but more than often, not the way to ultimately be all the time.  When speaking on topics like manifesting and asking for what you want in order to receive it, a murky, indecisive  request leads to murky results {if any at all}.

However, being picky is different.

Being picky typically means you have distinct choices that you are, most likely, not picking.  Not selecting whatever it may be has been warped into a negative action.

” He’s SO picky!”

” Ugh, so annoying, just try it!” or ” Just do it” or “… it’s not that bad, don’t be so picky…”

Yup. You’ve heard it. I’ve heard it. And if you haven’t heard it, then tell me your tale.

What I’ve come to find out is that being picky is positive. Very positive.

If you aren’t picky, then you may be settling for less. And at least in my world, I see and hear a lot of folk saying ” never settle ” and I think those people would agree to be picky.

If you aren’t picky, you…

• may wind up wearing a shirt that’s not your color!
• might date anyone (and I mean anyyyonnne) who asks you out!
• could eat something that makes you sick!
• …

and the big one…

• may be unhappy.

And since we all deserve more than anything to be healthy, happy, human beings, then PLEASE, be picky. Of course the wrong shirt color is not a completely threatening thing, but in my opinion, being unhappy, unhealthy, or discontent in any capacity is life-threatening.

This all crosses my mind today not totally out of the clear blue, but because I’ve made it through a section of my life of being slightly indecisive and very picky.

What beach?

The one thing I will say about being indecisive is that I believe during the years I proclaimed, ” I will live at the beach… I want to live on the beach… I need to be near water,” I was not super specific and when the universe surprised me about a year ago with a very interesting approach of getting me to the beach, I never ever thought it’d be to Sarasota, Florida.

IN a loosely indecisive way, I had made my request with just enough heart, vigor, and firmness that the universe gave me ‘the beach’ in the best way possible it saw fit. And all of that is another blog post.

---

MORE recently, since moving, I’ve played with pickiness.  And although I don’t believe I was literally called “picky” by anyone, I felt it in tone and pretty sure I’ve heard it from my ego. Hrrumph.

I was picky with jobs. Careers. Work.  Now how do those words make you feel?

Well, I’ll tell ya, to me they are a little vague. I’ve spent the last five years experimenting with all of the above and the days when the ‘work’ feels like fun, effortless, and passion-filled, rarely would I want to call it that. Nor would a even call it a J-O-B.

‘Career’ to me is different (don’t make me get out ol’ Webster’s) and has a feeling of longevity to it.

The ‘work’ I do that feels effortless and passion-fueled is teaching yoga.

Sharing my intuitive intellect and experiences is what I can say I wake up revved for.

Bear with me…

it was the indecisiveness that led me to where I am locationally speaking now. Then I became picky and would not just accept any job.  I did select one that was a job (less passion, more ‘work’ but this one still had an element of fun) because one does have bills to pay. AND then I thought of getting into this field, very different than my line of ‘work’ i.e. yoga.

And I thought of finding any and every small job I thought I could tolerate.

AND I even had random opportunities within my field but they just weren’t that alluring.

If I hadn’t been picky, I may still be there. Or I may be who knows where. I may be facing the queasiness that comes when I’m not doing the work I was placed on this planet to do.

If I had listened to others who told me I needed a ‘job with benefits,’ ‘a big girl job,’ a whatever you want to call it, then the miraculousness that was felt this week would NOT have happened.

TRUST YOUR HEART. YOUR GUT.

AND BE JUST ‘SMART’ ENOUGH TO PUT IT ALL TOGETHER.

YOU are what matters.

YOU can be a little indecisive, but know WHAT you want WHEN & WHY you want it.

And above all….

Do. Be. Picky!

do be?

doobee?

doobee doobeee

doooo …

{giggle snort}

❤ Me