I thought I was depressed, like seriously clinically depressed this weekend. And not to make it sound like depression is something to be taken lightly or something that can come and go, but you know what I mean– that more than bummed out place. That place where (depending on how you handle emotions) you want to scream, cry, punch something, or curl up in a ball and disappear.
Most people think I prance through my days happy, positive, laid back, living the life I love of spreading yoga, exercise, and wellness related vibes to the masses.
A lot of this is true! The only thing to tweak is that this is reality MOST of the time.
I also occasionally hit rock bottom. I have my days where I feel everything from defeated, to lazy, to mad, to just ready to throw in the towel, every single towel.
LAST WEEK I SPIRALED DOWN
Last week, I overdid it. And not only that, but the week before I had an amazing time in California seeing my business coach and fellow masterminders, seeing one of my oldest best friends, and also taking yoga and conversing with a yoga mentor of mine, and getting REALLY stoked about some future opportunities. I flew a *red eye* back to Florida after just three nights on the west coast {red flag}. I napped some, ran a 15k race within 24 hours of landing back on the EAST coast, and then rode four hours back {with one less hour of daylight!}, with my boyfriend the next day. It was fun! It was one of those trips and weekends where somehow you just get through on adrenaline and good vibes.
Back to teaching and all the next day… I picked up some fitness classes at the end of last week. They began at 5am, which means… I get up before 4am. This feels so jarring to me (unless I’m getting up and heading to the airport for a vacay!). I get where one can program himself by doing this day after day, but for people who do it every now and then … forget it. It throws your hormones ALL out of whack, to say the least.
Sparing all the details, I will say that I sat in a traffic jam for two hours, hurried to teach and train and host a webinar, and then got up uber early AGAIN and basically had the same sort of day . Followed by another fairly early wakeup Saturday to help cover another job, I was in a mental downward spiral.
I missed four days of exercise {hellloooo, I cut endorphins, the happy chemicals} . For me, this is not normal. And although I could’ve pushed through a mini workout (next time I will) I kept working my brain, typing and staring at a computer. Hardly any time to breathe (which is what I encourage clients and students to do daily, duh). The irony is that I was also putting on a webinar about using yoga to find happiness. . .
Guilt hit. I’m a horrible yogi! I am being so hypocritical! Ah! The itty bitty shitty committee ran a marathon back and forth between my ears, detoured down to my gut, and back to my heart and head. Whew.
By Saturday afternoon I got home and started sobbing. Hyperventilating. Feeling like I could not stop.
I’ve been here before. Did I survive? Yes. Did I know I’d survive this time? Yes. But I STILL felt like it was the end of the world.
THE STORY SHIFTS
Luckily, I KNEW I had the tools to survive. I could hear the other voices in my head and heart trying to help pull me up and out. Support is there, it’s all around. This too will pass. Experience this storm and remember the light and rainbows that follow.
Still, extremely hard. Here’s what I did:
- texted friends. Asked for good news, jokes; I exposed myself and emotions and straight up said, ” I need help right now.”
- asked for help from a higher power {I love the notion of we’re either praying/asking for help! thanks! or wow! when we do… this one was a loud HELP! yelp}
- practiced breathing
- put work away
- socialized
- talked about it as soon as I could
THANK YOU, if you’re one of those folks I reached out to. You were my angels Saturday. It seems like so often these days, we don’t reach out. We don’t want others to see us in this light. Maybe I’m speaking just for myself, but I’ve had plenty of friends, clients, and acquaintances that have shared very similar experiences.
AND get this: I randomly got a message from a special Missouri yoga student that very night just seeing how I was doing… AND random people from Missouri showed up in my yoga class the next morning. {my inner prayer shifted to thank you thank you thank you}.
Support surrounds.
Somewhere along our lifespan we’ve been trained and engrained with certain coping mechanisms and the *way we should* handle , or mostly not handle, emotions.
Emotions are in motion. They WILL MOVE. SHIFT. TRANSFORM. All we truly need to do, as the channels for these moving emotions to flow, is to experience, learn, and trust that life WILL go on.
We’re all constantly going through cycles; sometimes there needs to be this feeling of destruction {the Kali energy} to burn out old and give space for new.
This all being said, as I talked about this experience, others also started sharing very recent, close tales. AND, duh, it was also the Spring Equinox, which will also effect every living organism on this planet in one way or another.
I’m sharing this to also get it out of me; and as much as I cringe at times when I read Facebook posts, blogs and articles where the author is blatantly outing a life experience for . . . [attention?? sympathy?? ..], to write or type is a beautiful way to fully empty those moving emotions from the body and psyche.
If you’ve had a rough week, you’re not alone. If you’ve had a great week, month, year, keep surfing those waves brah’ ! All we can do is ride, connect, and live the best we can. Don’t stifle or stuff yourself with things that make you go *ew*. Talk to a friend, reach out (to me!), and know that life’s just throwing some curve balls to keep you on your toes and shifting you into the next right direction.
Much love.
Thanks for reading,
Rebekka
p.s. I found this image and other great blog post that is so closely related and shares some more specific psychological points . . 
Rebekka Mars coaching 